Former CIA agent shares 6 things people with high emotional intelligence always do when talking to others

In my CIA career, I briefed presidents, policy makers, aid workers, special ops units and ambassadors. In all our interactions, emotional intelligence was key.

I had to really understand my audience. To reach the other person, you have to speak their language.  For example, when President Barack Obama asked for a graphical representation of a written report, that's exactly what he got.

Based on my experience, here's what people with high emotional intelligence always do when talking to others:

Emotionally intelligent people don't get psyched out by how important all the people in the room are, like the presence of their boss or a high-profile client. They know to ignore that background noise and focus on delivering their message. 

They treat everyone with kindness and respect, no matter what their title is. This is what makes them effective communicators.

Ahead of big presentations or meetings, emotionally intelligent people rehearse their delivery, not their anxiety. If you focus on your nerves, you will get nervous. But if you focus on the content and delivery of your words, you will get great results. 

To fight through fear, prepare by saying the words out loud. Get into a powerful persona and have all the information you need at your fingertips. Then keep practicing until it becomes second nature. 

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you might make a fool of yourself. It happens. Emotionally intelligent people know that if they say something and it goes awry, it isn't the end of the world. 

Whether it is well received or they are met with silence, they can keep going. Being able to momentarily sit in, or even jokingly acknowledge that awkwardness, and then move forward, can make people respect you more.

Some of the best public speakers I know didn't start out that way. But the most emotionally intelligent among them understood that there is always room to improve. They didn't run from their discomfort. 

Instead, they kept an eye out for slightly less scary places to speak up, like volunteering at a PTA meeting or giving a toast at their co-worker's going away party. Then as they got more confident, they made it to bigger stages, like being the keynote speaker at a big industry conference.

Emotionally intelligent people know which mediums and communication styles work best for them, and can adapt their message to the situation at hand. 

They also know that using your voice effectively doesn't have to mean using your actual voice live and spontaneously. Sometimes writing out a script, an email, or a letter can do the job just as well.

Emotionally intelligent people speak with purpose. What's yours? 

Do you want to get promoted or advance your career? Improve your organization or business? Advocate for a cause you care about? Get out of your comfort zone? Share a big idea?

Using your voice isn't about verbally vomiting. It's about harnessing the power within you and speaking up about the things that matter to you, when they matter most.

Rupal Patel's career has taken her from military briefing rooms in jungles and war zones to corporate boardrooms and international stages. As an analyst and field agent at the CIA, she advised four-star generals and earned War Zone Service Medals. Today Patel is an international speaker, corporate consultant, and executive advisor. She is the author of "From CIA To CEO: Unconventional Life Lessons for Thinking Bigger, Leading Better and Being Bolder."

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*This is an adapted excerpt from "From CIA To CEO: Unconventional Life Lessons for Thinking Bigger, Leading Better and Being Bolder" by Rupal Patel, published by Heligo Books. Copyright © 2023 by Rupal Patel.